RelationSLIPS

Jealous Much?

The best relationship principles taught by the experts come straight from the relationship values taught by Jesus. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that my relationships, both with God and with others, are most directly affected by unresolved issues inside my heart—you know, that invisible, mysterious, confusing, wonderful part of each of us that enables us to love, laugh, fear, and experience life. It’s the place where relationships are built - and broken. The unresolved issues in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface and seep into your relationships. When I think of my most embarrassing moments and my biggest regrets, more often than not they have something to do with my relationSLIPs. The time to address the slippage is now.

Jealousy can turn to resentment in a heartbeat, but the real issue with my jealousy is ME - not them. I feel like God is short-changing me. Celebrating the wins of the other person sets me free and puts life back in perspective. 

Message Notes

Guilt says, “I owe you.”
Anger says, “You owe me.”
Greed says, “I owe me.”

Jealousy says, “God owes me.”

Jealousy is dangerous.
It shapes our attitudes towards other people.
Our jealousy leads to resentment—then satisfaction when they have a setback.

The people who “make me jealous” can’t do anything about it.
The inequity is something God could fix but he doesn’t, so I take it out on them.

The driving force of jealousy is the factor in every relationship struggle you will ever have.
It is dangerous–it shapes our attitudes towards other people.

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.
James 4:1-3

The common denominator in all my relational struggles is me.
I want something and I don’t get it.

Blaming is an admission that I cannot be happy without your cooperation.
You have control over me.

Solution: Pour your heart and desires out to God.

Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.
James 4:2

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I Peter 5:7

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.
Hebrews 4:15

God might say no.
God loves you too much to give you everything you want.
He is the Source of all good things, not all wished-for things.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17

Confession handles guilt,forgiveness handles anger, and generosity handles greed.
celebration handles jealousy.

Don’t wait until you are free to tell them.
Tell them now.

Bottom Line
Jealousy shapes my attitude towards other people

Next Steps

  1. Who have you distanced yourself from because of jealousy/resentment?

  2. Instead of being silent or critical, celebrate the success of others.

  3. Move forward for yourself and your children—ask the questions. Keep your heart clean.

Greed vs. Generosity

The best relationship principles taught by the experts come straight from the relationship values taught by Jesus. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that my relationships, both with God and with others, are most directly affected by unresolved issues inside my heart—you know, that invisible, mysterious, confusing, wonderful part of each of us that enables us to love, laugh, fear, and experience life. It’s the place where relationships are built - and broken. The unresolved issues in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface and seep into your relationships. When I think of my most embarrassing moments and my biggest regrets, more often than not they have something to do with my relationSLIPs. The time to address the slippage is now.

For greedy people, stuff equals life. Greed feels reasonable, because it’s motivated by fear and an endless list of “what if’s?” Greedy people never feel they have enough. They are never at peace with themselves or others which erodes their relationships. They ruin long-term relationships over stuff with a very short shelf-life. When you make stuff more important than people, you’ll eventually have no people. 

Message Notes

Guilt says, “I owe you.”
It requires confession, starting the process of repentance, restitution, and restoration.

Anger says, “You owe me.”
A healthy heart requires forgiveness.

Greed says, “I owe me.”
Of the four enemies of the heart, this one is most subtle.

A greedy person

believes he has earned all the good things in his life,
has a determined desire to control them,
has a supersized sense of ownership,
and makes people feel like they compete with his stuff.

Greed is fueled by fear—

fear that God can’t or won’t take care of me.

Jesus warned, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in abundance of possessions.”
Luke 12:15

Then he tells the story of a wealthy farmer in Luke 12:16-21

  • He overlooked the God-factor in accounting for his good fortune and wealth.

  • He hoarded his extra.

  • He overlooked the God-factor in determining his life-span.

  • He ran out of time before he ran out of stuff and money.

  • Someone else got his stuff.

God said to him, “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself? This is how it will be with everyone who stores up things for themselves but is not rich towards God.”
Luke 12:20-21

The moral of the story:
If “storing up” outpaces your “willingness to give,” you will suffer a complete loss of all you considered to be “life” when your time runs out.

What is God up to when he allows you to have more than you actually need?

  • Not to provide for your adult children

  • Not to provide you peace of mind

  • Not to elevate your standard of living

You don’t have to be wealthy to be greedy.
Greed is conquered by the habit of generosity.

True generosity is not giving something with compassion.
True generosity is not evidenced by what you FEEL, but by what you do.
True generosity is giving that actually affects your lifestyle.

Two habits to cultivate:

  • Percentage Giving

  • Spontaneous Giving

Bottom Line

Generosity has the power to revolutionize your relationships.

Next Steps

  1. Honestly ask God how generosity could change your personal relationships.

  2. Ask God what he wants you to do with all your resources.

  3. Realize you are a manager/steward, not an owner.

  4. Start today.

Anger Issues

The best relationship principles taught by the experts come straight from the relationship values taught by Jesus. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that my relationships, both with God and with others, are most directly affected by unresolved issues inside my heart—you know, that invisible, mysterious, confusing, wonderful part of each of us that enables us to love, laugh, fear, and experience life. It’s the place where relationships are built - and broken. The unresolved issues in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface and seep into your relationships. When I think of my most embarrassing moments and my biggest regrets, more often than not they have something to do with my relationSLIPs. The time to address the slippage is now.

When God, life, or people don’t give us what we feel we deserve, we have angry hurt that demands a payback. The offender is usually long gone, but everybody else in life pays. Our anger alienates us from the very people we want to love. Relationships grow when we decide we don’t have to let the past control the future. 

Message Notes

Last Week: Guilt says I owe you.
We deal with it through confession- starting the process of repentance, restitution, and restoration.

This Week: Anger says you owe me.

Show me an angry person and I will show you a hurt person.
In most cases, the debt can never be repaid.

If anger gets lodged in my heart, eventually I get angry at everyone.

The only answer for anger is forgiveness, but it seems unreasonable.
It seems more reasonable and justifiable to remain a victim.

Forgiveness is the decision to cancel a debt.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

At this the servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.

His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.”

But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.
Matthew 18:23-35

Holding on for payback is the most destructive thing we can do.

An apology doesn’t erase an experience.
But it does change an attitude.

Bottom Line

Canceling the debts others owe us sets US free.

Next Steps

  1. Identify who “owes” you.

  2. Determine what they owe you.

  3. Cancel the debt.

    • Heavenly Father, ____________has taken _______________from me. I have held on to this debt long enough. I choose to cancel this debt. _____________ is off my hook. As you forgave me, I am forgiving __________________.

  4. Dismiss the case.



Guilty as Charged

The best relationship principles taught by the experts come straight from the relationship values taught by Jesus. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that my relationships, both with God and with others, are most directly affected by unresolved issues inside my heart—you know, that invisible, mysterious, confusing, wonderful part of each of us that enables us to love, laugh, fear, and experience life. It’s the place where relationships are built - and broken. The unresolved issues in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface and seep into your relationships. When I think of my most embarrassing moments and my biggest regrets, more often than not they have something to do with my relationSLIPs. The time to address the slippage is now.

Relational IOU’s brought about by unresolved guilt cost us vulnerability,  authority, and health.

Message Notes

Guilt always says, “I OWE YOU.”

When people are in a “Relational IOU” position because of their poor choices, they:

  • try to buy love or peace,

  • hide from those they owe,

  • lose their moral authority.
    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7

People try to work it off, serve it off, give it off, even pray it off—but nothing other than paying the debt or getting it canceled will provide relief from the relational shame.

Simple confession doesn’t relieve of us our secret shame; in fact, simple confession can be a trap.

The way we often confess is an insult to our Heavenly Father and to the people we have wronged.

The purpose of confession is not “Conscience Relief”—it is change.

God clearly connects confession with repentance, restitution, and restoration.

Jesus entered Jericho and made his way through the town.There was a man there named Zacchaeus. He was the chief tax collector in the region, and he had become very rich. He tried to get a look at Jesus, but he was too short to see over the crowd.So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way.

When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. “Zacchaeus!”he said. “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.”Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy.But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled.Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!”Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham.For the Son of Mancame to seek and save those who are lost.”
Luke 19:1-10

You cannot resolve your differences with God if you are unwilling to resolve your relationships with the people around you.

So if you are presenting a sacrificeat the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you,leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Matthew 5:23

People who keep the secret are repeat offenders.
God’s remedy for a cycle of sin and the shame of guilt is open confession.
It’s the first step to freedom.

Bottom Line:

Guilt loses its power when secrets are exposed and confessed.

Next Steps:

  1. Openly ask God to inspect my heart for guilt.

  2. Make direct requests for forgiveness and make restitution as necessary.


Check Your Heart

The best relationship principles taught by the experts come straight from the relationship values taught by Jesus. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that my relationships, both with God and with others, are most directly affected by unresolved issues inside my heart—you know, that invisible, mysterious, confusing, wonderful part of each of us that enables us to love, laugh, fear, and experience life. It’s the place where relationships are built - and broken. The unresolved issues in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface and seep into your relationships. When I think of my most embarrassing moments and my biggest regrets, more often than not they have something to do with my relationSLIPs. The time to address the slippage is now.

We tend to believe that once we receive Jesus as Savior, everything is cool. But we didn’t become who we are overnight. Neither do we change in an instant all the effects of the events and choices in our lives that made us who we are. Those effects impact our relationships. We hurt the people we love the most. We need to address these relationSLIPs before the fall is fatal.

Message Notes

The heart: that mysterious, wonderful, confusing part of you that enables you to love, laugh, fear, and experience life.

It’s the place where relationships happen - and where relationships are broken.

When you give Jesus your heart, what he starts at that moment isn’t completed in that moment.

Life can be hard on the heart. Your heart doesn’t get in trouble overnight.

Everything that happens to us gets processed through the heart. Some things get stuck there and clog up the heart.

Whatever is in our hearts gets translated into words and actions.

Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer.But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you.For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.These are what defile you.
Matthew 15:16-20

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Heart issues always take a toll on relationships.

Heart issues make intimacy with God and people impossible to maintain.

What’s going on in the heart has the scary possibility of going public at any moment.

The heart is more deceitful than all elseand is desperately sick;who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9

How’s your heart?

Bottom Line

Relationships rise or fall with the state of our heart.

Next Steps

  1. Spend time alone with God this week, asking him to help you be open to see what is impacting your relationslips.

  2. Commit to attend all the weeks of RelationSLIPS with an open heart.